No, I’m not out to start
a debate or create friction. I can easily visualize that
the concept of "feminist" is quite different depending
on your age and gender, especially in these times.
I just want to share some of
my experiences as a self-employed professional woman which
prompted some of the emotions expressed in the Mind-Melded
Series, especially where Saradon is concerned.
When I was a thirty-year-old
mother of year-old twins, still teaching full-time in the
public schools, I went to check out new cars as my husband
and I had decided we needed something larger. The twins,
their car seats, he, and I no longer fit in the front seat
of our pickup and the Fiat sports car of pre-child years
was completely out of the question.
I unloaded the twins' double
stroller (it was an odd one where they faced each other)
from the back of the pickup, buckled the kids in, and strolled
through the showroom checking out the new cars and their
stickers. Every single salesman completely ignored me. In
a mostly Army town, they couldn’t be bothered dealing
with “the little woman.” That was in 1980.
The next morning, my husband
called the manager of the dealership and explained how they’d
lost the sale, which we’d completed at a different
location, due to the salesmen’s ignorant, insulting
behaviour.
A few years later, after our
fourth move due to the Army, the only job I could find was
as a secretary in a small law firm (I typed 120 words per
minute so I qualified although I didn’t have law experience).
By that time, around 1985, I’d gained too much seniority
in the educational field and would have to be paid as senior
staff by any hiring school district. So, I took a huge cut
in pay to continue working while my husband received a big
raise from the Army.
I gradually learned that in
law at that time, men were lawyers and managers, women were
support staff, never to cross the line. I lasted a year
because I wanted more and when I asked to perform something
like a paralegal might do, and thus earn more money, I was
informed they could hire another secretary in my place and
not have to deal with my ambitions.
A couple of years later, we
were transferred to Utah where I started my own business
teaching people how to use their job skills by working with
computer software to complete their tasks. The business
outgrew its leased premises so I entered into negotiations
with a building owner to design, modify, and occupy a larger
space. He asked me to have my husband co-sign on the lease!
I looked him in the eye and
said, “Do you realize that my husband is an unemployed
student?” (He’d retired from the Army and was
in law school.) Then, I asked him to provide me with copies
of every lease he’d accepted from any man with a required
signature from the man’s wife. He backed off and I,
alone, signed the lease.
In these cases, the actions
I perceived as anti-feminine were not particularly intentional
by the other people involved. I saw the situations differently
than they did, of course. There were many other incidents
that resemble these, like my buying a black, three piece
pin-striped suit with a skirt so I could be taken seriously
by head bankers when teaching them to use spreadsheets,
but the three above really stick out in my mind whenever
the discussion of what is a feminist comes up.
And then, I fell into the exact
same frame of thinking when I began writing. Yes, one of
my main characters was a female—a flying, telepathic
horse. But the rest of my females were marginalized and
I hadn’t even noticed! Me, the one who always stood
up for my right to be treated as an equal.
It took my long time support
reader, Tony Lavely, a man I’ve never met except by
email, and a MAN no less, to make me see how I had treated
my women and femm, and even some of my other female reeth.
When he subtly pointed it out, I went back and changed parts
of the novels to give Saradon and her "sisters,"
be they femm, human or reeth, their rightful place in Lillith’s
fantasy world of Gareeth.
Send me a note at buhler_c@msn.com
and share your thoughts on feminism! I'd love to hear from
you.
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